Clean up time
May 4, 2006, 2:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today was one of those days that wasn't necessarily bad but it wasn't spectacular either. I spent the day alternately entertaining Devon and trying to earn a living. Though I did slip a few loads of laundry in there as well. This afternoon when he had had just about enough of me trying to convince him that his blocks were indeed the best things ever, a dear friend suggested I pull out the shaving cream and baking pans and let him go. So I put him out on the patio, buried his farm animals in about a foot of foam and put him to it. Needless to say he was ecstatic to be making such a mess and he even got the pleasure forcing me to sing Old McDonal's Farm again and again and again and….

When it came time for clean up, I stripped him down and headed up to the bathroom. Aside from vanilla yogurt Devon loves baths above all else. Throughout the day he tries to lure me towards the bathroom saying, "Bass! Bass! Bass!" And when he realized that Lady Fortune was again smiling upon him for the second time in the same afternoon, he started wiggling and doing the Bass Dance. While he sat in the tub we again sang Old McDonald but this time incorporated all of his bath toy animals into the song -seal, starfish, froggie etc.

As he sang he again began to dance on his butt and started to scoot backwards in the tub. That is when I noticed it, or them if I am recounting the scene correctly. Devon had plopped two golden brown, solid turds in the bathtub. Holy god. I was stunned. Yes, I have two other kids, but neither of them were ever tub tooters. What to do? For a moment I had a Dave Sedaris moment. The one where he uses the bathroom at a party and finds it already loaded, he tries to flush the toilet only to find it doesn't work. He doesn't want to get blamed by the person waiting in line so he ends up throwing the contents out the bathroom window.

I couldn't leave Devon alone and go downstairs to fetch the fish met. If I used the toilet scrubber it would get all muckety. Toilet paper would end up soggy and I didn't want to ruin a washcloth. So I used my hand. I inserted it into the water, gently caressed the pair and deposited the duo into the toilet. I wanted to scream. I had just handled shit. With my hands. I washed my hands for about five minutes and fought the urge to sand off all my skin with heavy duty sandpaper.

A friend of mine recently told me that reading my blog does not inspire her to want children of her own. Ever. I simply can't fathom why.


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Oh god, that was like a hit!

Thank you.

Comment by jen

We also have a tub pooper. I REFUSE to touch it…she’s always done it when my husband is home. I really do plan on getting a cheap fish net and keeping it in the bathroom for those occasions. Glad I’m not alone.

Comment by Sarcastic Journalist

That happened with my kid once or twice. And then this happened. Not to freak you out or anything. 😎

Comment by merseydotes

i was just mommy blog surfing…I know how you feel trust me…read my latest poop entry LOL
Being a mommy some days is all about POOP!

Comment by Dee

Hmmmm…I don’t know whether this will make you feel better or worse. I had the same exact thing happen to me (minus the shaving cream)yesturday but my child is 4! Isn’t that two years older than your dear sweet Devon? Toddler–not in control, not potty trained. Cooper–been potty trained for years, thought it was hilarious. He was thoughtful enough not to make me scoop it out. He did it for me and put it in the trash can. The disposable trash can that it now is. UGH!

Comment by Kim


that! was hysterical. Personally, I would have been breaking out the bleach right obout then. bleach cures everything.

Comment by Kitsune

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