Cover Up
March 31, 2006, 5:03 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

About a year ago when my sister-in-law first mentioned to me that she had a blog, I thought, "Huh, well how nice for you. But really, do you have some sort of bizarre, pathological need to share yourself with the rest of the world?" We would send emails back and forth, talk on the phone, and sometimes when I asked her about her boys or work she would mention that she had just written a post about those exact topics. And again, I would think, "Huh, how nice for you." As the summer wore on she encouraged me to start my ownblog , and finally took matters into her own hands and set up one for me. I began rather tentatively, but by about the fourth post I was hooked. It was so therapeutic, and I was in some serious need of anything remotely healthy for my head.

For the most part I have been rather secretive about my blog. I am rather selfconscious about the fact that I blather on and on about my daily dramas and the endless posts regarding childrearing. I did tell one friend, in a bit of a tipsy red wine haze, about my blog and now when I see her she will sometimes mention something about my life and I will always cringe just the teensiest bit. We have known each other since the fifth grade, and I guess there is a part of me that still hopes she thinks me to be normal -but if she reads myblog she might guess otherwise.

I have also told my mother about my blog. For sometime I would casually mention I had posted about this or that but I would never tell her the address or invite her to read. It's petty on my part, but I have rather enjoyed this small bit or torture I can inflict upon her. Recently I broke down and told her I was considering an invitation for her and some day when I am feeling like a decent person I will giver her the address.

So with all my covert activity about this site, I was shocked when yesterday I opened up my mouth and invited a woman to read it. She works the front desk at the nursery and is an angelichardass if ever there was one. When she dispenses the paychecks she always has some sort of scandalous question we must answer before we receive our money. The questions usually pertain to subjects like -do I swallow or spit? Or, have I ever bunked with a chick, and if so, did I fancy some more? For some random reason I thought of apost I wrote back in September and thought she might find it fitting. I opened it up for her and left her to read. When I returned both she and one of my bosses were reading it and laughing. My boss left to go tend to work matters and my friend said, "Gee, I didn't know you were such a, er, writer."

I suddenly felt as though there was a chilly draft running through the lobby and I looked down just to make sure I wasn't totally naked from the waist down to my toes. Did I err? Why couldn't I have just kept my big mouth shut. Now she will know what a nut I am. She will know that I have to swallow a happy pill just to get through the days. She will know I have fantasies about sticking my toddler to the wall with large patches of velcro. Now it's likely that she already suspects as much and that I am just a paranoid freak, but I sort of feel the need to throw on an extra sweater just to combat that naked feeling in the pit of my stomach.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment


Join the club! 🙂

Comment by inkstains

You know she is just jealous of your wit and brilliance and wishes she had good hair like yours and spens hours scouring Lauren Taylor for a lipstick to precisely match the natural color of your lips. She secretly wishes she had you beautiful children, your man and even your ferret. Your victory is writing about your fabulous life knowing she sits, alone, late into a saturday night, gulping her ninth gin and tonic prowling your post history for the eleventh time that hour wishing desperately she was you.

Comment by Racketside

Funny — I`ve never felt that way.

But I think I`m a freak.

Comment by L.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: