March 26, 2006, 2:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

When is enough ever enough? Apparently never, at least not in the noise
that chatters in my head all day. This weight thing has so many facets.
I am not at all laying this on MIM because the weight thing/body image
issue is something that I have been battling all my life. And even
before her explosive post I have been thinking hard on it. As I emerge
from my funk, begin to once again look in the mirror, contemplate
exercising -the body image issue has reared it's bloated head and
stares at me everyday when I get dressed. But I can deal with that. It
is what it is. And what it is is me. However, what does concern
me is Cassidy. From the moment I birthed a girl I became far more aware
of this whole body thing in our society. I censored the movies she
watched, discarded any pictures of celebrities and made every effort to
never utter the word FAT in her presence. I knew I couldn't do this
forever but I thought that maybe a bit of a bubble might cushion her
from it all.

Cassidy has always been underweight. The doctors used to
get on my ass about it until I brought in Matt as proof of her lineage,
Matt is 6'6" and not a stocky fellow. That shut them up and got them
off my back. At Cassidy's last ckeck up she was in the 80th percentile
for height but only the 8th percentile for weight.

here is the problem with it all. Everywhere we go people remark on her
figure. "Oh, you are stunning," they say. "If only I could look like
you, my clothes would fit all so nicely." Or, "Honey, have you ever
thought of modeling? You have the perfect figure. ANYBODY and EVERYBODY
would kill to look lie you." These are grown women. Women with
daughters of their own.
Now I will admit that she is stunning. And her anorexic look
does lend itself well to the demands of our warped societal
views.  But how fucking fucked up is that? And what's even more
fucked up is that it is starting to affect her. I see her rubbing her
jutting hip bones. She claims she isn't hungry for dinner. She will say
she ate a late snack at school and then not want to eat at home. She is
not even nine years old. 

Cass is going to have her fair
share of issues as she enters puberty. She is smart, intense, extremely
energetic, and looks different from any other person I have ever seen.
I can't forever insulate her from the world, she has been fighting me
to get out into it since she could walk. I just don't want to lose her.
I want her to be healthy, have a center and be confident. Is that
possible? I don't have the answers this morning. I need another cup of
coffee before I can really begin to dwell on it.


1 Comment so far
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Boys are not immune to it either. Mark has an eating disorder, and I hear my younger two worrying about their weight.

It’s everywhere.

Comment by inkstains

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