My Soapbox Reply
March 22, 2006, 7:53 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have been thinking long and hard about MIM’s post and L’s response to it. That’s a pretty volitile subject as evidenced here, and I suspect many other places in the bloggish world. But really, who wasn’t a few pounds lighter when they hooked up with their man? I was 115 when I first met Matt. After the first two kids, I hung out at a farily comfortable and curvy 130. But after Devon was born I packed on another 20 and currently tip the scales at 150. And I hate it. In my case, MIM is right on target. In the stagnancy of my depression I lost my self-worth, sought comfort in the Nutella jar and forgot what it felt like to get my heart rate up above 75. These days I know when I bend over to retrieve vegetables from the crisper drawer that Matt no longer has the urge to rush in the kitchen and fondle my behind. And that’s a bummer.

However, as I look at him and his waisteline that has quietly expanded in empathy to mine, my attraction is not diminished. I like round things. Our cat is fat, our dog is plumpish and our ferret is rotund, not that I am at all equating my attraction to my mate to that of the animals -let’s not go there. But I do know that as Matt and I are beginning to pull ourselves back together, because that’s what it feels like -as if we have scattered bits and peices of ourselves about for the past two years, that we will again go for bike rides together. We will go on hikes and evening walks. We are talking abut joining the local rec center that has a child center where Devon could play and we could both workout together. In college we used to go to the rec center in the evenings -he to play basketball and running for me. It was a courting ritual of sorts and always lead to good fun.

So although I do not fully agree with all of MIM’s thoughts, and I have likely let them morph into thoughts of my own since I read her post, I do see her point. For me I think it all comes down to balance. There is a juggling act for all families. Those precious commodities of time, money, energy, sleep, love for the kids, love for the mate and love for the self are all part of that daily balance. To take care of yourself with an hour of walking means giving up that time of playing Go Fish with one of the kids. Sometimes an afternoon nap is far more important than earning some money, and then to compensate for the nap the next exercise hour is knocked out in order to work in the evening. Sometimes as I look back on the day while I rub the roundness on my soft belly I feel completely satisfied if I have kept most everything in a healthy balance. Did I let Matt know I love him? Did I listen to Loren and respond to his questions? Did I show Cassidy the depth of my love for her amazing self? Did I keep Devon safe, dry and fed all day? Did get the laundry done, folded and put away? Clean the kitchen? Provide a healthy dinner? Did I get some exercise time for myself and make healthy eating choices -not always too likely. But if I answered the previous questions in the affirmative that is usually good enough. But there does need to be a balance between them and me. Their needs and mine. And that is what I am working on.

But, oh dear, I took all that brewhaha and made it all about me. But it is my blog, so why not. I think it helps with the balance….


3 Comments so far
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This is Jen. And I think this is a very thoughtful reply. In my most generous moments, I think MIM was probably talking about taking care of ourselves, and nnot just hair and weight and appearances. But I do keep coming back to the issues of respect, consideration, to taking care of each other in so many other ways.

Dereck is round too, and I too like roundness. He is just so masculine and male. And sexy. And he likes to eat, and he likes to eat with me. Our mealtimes are social events, and we derive sensual pleasure from them.

He says, “You can tell how a woman feels about sex by how she feels about food. Does she enjoy it?”

And the answer here is Yes.

Comment by inkstains

I’ve thought about this issue over and over again. I’ve read many of the related posts (favorite is City Mama’s).

And I just can’t come to a coherent opinion on it.

I’ll leave it at different strokes for different folks. Lame, I know, but that’s all I got.

Comment by Andie D.

I think you summed it up really well: you made it about you. So did everyone else. I mean, what else can we do?

Comment by L.

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