Caloden


Good Friday
March 4, 2006, 4:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today was the kind of day when everything just sort of falls into place. Having not experienced too many of these in the past year, I am always a bit suspicious of them when the arise. Matt has been home sick all week with a hellacious case of RSV, I didn’t know adults could get this but he has it something fierce. We alternate turns on the computer so that we can both get some work accomplished. This morning after he had dropped off the older two kids at school, we ordered out huevos rancheros from one of our favorite restaurants. Then Matt, Devon and I sat around the table and happily slurped from take out containers. I tackled the job of cleaning out the fridge, a feat in and of itself, while Devon washed his jungle animals in the kitchen sink and Matt worked at whatever it is he does on the computer. He works as a promotion sort of person at an internet company, it seems like alot of mouse clicking to me, but it pays so who am I to bitch. Devon then graced us with a two hour nap during which I was able to harvest all sorts of cancer nuggets for posts. Later the big kids came home, we had snacks, went for a big grocery shop and actually ate dinner around the table. We conversed, laughed and cleaned up just like regular people.

I have memories of myself from this time last year. On my days off, when it was warm, I would pop Devon in the jogger and walk about town. I would look into the windows of people I imagined to be normal and good. And I would know deep down that both my family and I were neither of these things and I would go home and weep in the bathroom. At the time I didn’t grasp the fact that I had post partum depression and anxiety issues, I figured I had made it through Devon’s surgery, the older two were upright and breathing and that all was good.   But it wasn’t and I wasn’t. However, today truly was good. It was simple and it was true.  And tonight that is all I need.

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1 Comment so far
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this almost made me weep.

Comment by jen




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