Just Today
February 9, 2006, 5:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today I took Devon over to the park after his afternoon nap. It was one of those glorious Colorado afternoons when there is snow on the ground but the sky is warm and impossibly blue. Devon never wakes up singing about birds, so getting him distracted is mandatory. I have been known to just shove a breast in his mouth, but that is beginning to seriously wear on my nerves so a park adventure seemed like a fabulous idea. We went over and stomped in the snow, picked up handfulls of muddy rocks and threw them and stood underneath a leaky awning as the melting snow drip dripped on to our heads. Devon thought it was just about the funniest thing in the world to have the water falling on our hair, and seeing his huge mouth wide open with laughter prompted some belly giggles from me. All said, we spent about twenty minutes out in the sunshine. But it felt like much longer because I was right in sync with him. It was just the two of us laughing about the dirty pebbles, feeling the cold melted water. It was private and tranquil. A truly wonderful series of moments.

But never one to sit still and accept the good without my neurosis setting in, it got me to thinking about Loren and Cassidy. I couldn’t remember any such moments with them. By the time Loren was Devon’s current age, almost 18 months, I had gone from being a single individual to an unwed and pregnant mother, to married, to separated and a mother of a toddler -all within 27 months. My head was spinning so fast, I was just trying to make it through the days. And Cassidy was just so INTENSE that I remember mostly holding my breath and hoping it would all get better. I know it wasn’t all like that. We had laughs and fun and I do remember being absolutely awed by both of them. But I didn’t have the slow, quiet moments that I have with Devon. I’m not sure if it is an age thing. Parenting at 22 is a very differnet view than at 35. Devon is a differnt child. He savors the moment, where as Loren just ran and laughed and Cassidy screamed bloody murder at anything that dared get in her path. Devon has that gimpy heart that makes him just a wee bit huggable. I have lived and learned from then until now. And, of course, there is my bestest friend, Sir Prozac.

It’s not necessarily a better experience. And, lord knows, I am not looking to have anymore such experiences. But it is different. I’m grateful that they have all been different. More than one Loren would drive me batty. I have always been unendingly thankful that Cass was not a twin, but I love her saucy soul with all of my being. And Devon has tugged at my heart strings enough in the past 17 1/2 months to last me a lifetime. But it is definitely different. And I can take that.


3 Comments so far
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Beautiful. Just enough to make me want to cry, but also to render me unable to do so.

Son do you like the new blog?

Comment by jen

I like the new blog. What do you think? (I left you another comment on the blog, but it came to my email, so I went in and re-set the email so they will come to you).

Comment by caloden

I am completely going through these same feelings myself. I know that I enjoyed my first two children. (Ryan-12, Chase-10) but I can’t believe the depth and the wonder of the moments that I have with Cooper. Maybe it is me and my age(37) but it has been a different journey with the last child. And I must say, I would give almost anything to have another one if it would be like this one.

Comment by Kim

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