Caloden


Waiting
February 28, 2006, 4:59 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

My winter gig of working on the ski mountain is a pretty good deal. The entire family gets free season passes. Devon gets to come with me and be in the nursery -free of charge. The kids get great lessons, which keep them busy ALL day and we all go home exhausted. And there is even a very small pay check waiting for me every couple of weeks. However, as I discovered with my last forray into employment, working just doesn’t leave enough time for the really important things. I rarely can make it to my blog everyday, which jams up my inner dialogue and causes me to have nearly constant, ongoing posts in my head. The children are again in sockless hell, a bit of an issue in the winter months of Colorado. I have not done a creative thing in months because I am just too whipped to lift a finger any higher than the height of the remote control. And it is not as though I am without the desire to be productive. I still am making my New Year’s list of resolutions. Although valentine’s Day was not my best effort this year, Easter and Cassidy’s brithday are on the horizon and they both bring out the Martha from Hell within me.

Luckily the snow will soon start to melt, ski season will come to an end and my small world will again become small.2006_0226workpics0035.JPG

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Friday Night
February 25, 2006, 7:31 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Holy fuck. So drunk, I am. Very slow, I must type. Going out with highschool coherts, for a tatoo. Mix that with large amounts of wine and no amounts of dinner =a baaaaaaad entry.

P.S. No tatoo for me. But lots of pics of she who got one. If only I can find them hidden in my new camera……



My Inner Me
February 24, 2006, 2:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am well aware of my first class, one way ticket straight to hell. I think I first became eligible for this hot item when I hit puberty. I was an amazing bitch, an Uber Bitch, if you will. And I enjoyed it. As the years went on, I accumulated so many sins and evils that the ticket became a known for me. And I am fully all right with it all.  The way I figure it, Hell is littered with the coolest and most fun of people, it will be an eternal rave sort of party.  It will always be warm and since there is no sun, we pigment challenged people will never have to worry about tanning beds again. But sometimes as I trudge through the days I catch myself in small ways when I realize the depths of my evil, and at these moments I understand why the Pearly Gates will never open for me. For example, since I have begun posting about health issues, I cherish the occasional headline about a celebrity death. The younger and more famous, the better. An old famous fart may die in his sleep, but not a young one. Oh no. A young death smacks of foolishness or a heart attack. And that smells like a worthy post for me. And even better, an unfolding story means more than one post, which means more than one paying gig for me.

I am bad. Bad, bad, bad.



S.O.S.
February 22, 2006, 9:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Help me. I have a toddler and he’s winning. Somebody come and save me.



Take a Walk on the Wild SIde
February 22, 2006, 6:25 pm
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Loren has this week off of school. He has been busy depleting my bank account as fast as possible as he eats his way through the ski cafeterias every day. I am thrilled that he has such a devotion to snowboarding and so I bite my toungue as I run to the ATM and deliver him every morning to the designated meeting spot with his friends. My favorite part of these days, other than knowing he is spending his days doing what he loves most, is the conversations we have as we drive.  Sometimes it’s politics (or my warped, liberal views of them), sometimes gossip -just whatever he brings up, I go with it.  Yesterday as we passed our small, local movie theatre we saw the ad for Brokeback Mountain. I have not yet seen it and expressed an interest in doing so.

“Oh, yuck, Mom. Why? Do you know what it’s about?” he practically yelled.

“Cowboys, I think.” I vaguely replied, as I had a feeling where this was all heading.

“Duh, Mom. They’re gay.’
“And?”

“Eww.  Mom, they have…well, they have butt, you know.”

“No, Loren, I don’t know.  You tell me.”

“You know. Butt.  Behind relations.  With each other.” He said as he looked anywhere but at me.

“Oh, so the whole movie is about butt relations?” I played along.
“Yes, they actually do it!”, realizing I was not a total moron after all.
“Well, hmmm.  That seems a bit odd. Seems like anything that drastic might not be at the local theatre.  It also seems like that might not be the most interesting movie topic. I think it is more a movie about a love story. I think it sounds lovely, brave, moving.”

“But mo-om, they’re gay.”
“So. So are alot of other people. Chances are a couple of people in your class might be gay. Some people at your school. People at my work, at dad’s work. So what. Some people have heart defects, like your little brother. Some people have blond hair. Some people speak four different languages. Some people are geniuses and others aren’t. So what. In fact, I bet we know some people who are gay and you might not even realize it. It is just a facet of their being, not their whole indentity.” I said, aiming for a tone of Cool Momness mixed with some Get-your-head-out-your-assness.

“Like who?” He asked, and I could see I now had his interest.

And here is where I may have crossed a line, delivered something I was not authorized to do so.  But I am his mom and he is my son. I refuse, absolutely REFUSE to raise a close minded fool to release into this close minded foolish world. So I said:

“Well, take your uncle, my brother.”

“WHAT?” Fully having his interest now.

“Yep. I am not sure if he is bisexual or gay, we don’t hit on that subject too often. But yes, your uncle.”

Silence for a mile or two.

“Is that why he never brings home a girl? Is that why he drinks and does drugs? Is that why he is bi-polar?” The questions came at me like a machine gun.

“Well, I would suspect that is why we have yet to meet a woman in his life (my brother is now 39). He is bi-polar because that is the way he was born. And, I believe, he was born with homosexual tendencies. But one does not lead to the other. As for the drinking and drugs, I think it is tied into his bi-polar status. And this is not to say that all people with bi-polar are drug addicted alcoholics. Nor is it to say that all homosexuals are bi-polar. This is just your uncle.” I looked over at him to if it was sinking in.

After a few minutes he said, “You know, it makes sense. He likes Hugh Grant almost as much as you do, Mom.”

“Wanna see the movie with me?” I asked, testing to see if our talk was a success.

“No. But how about The Pink Panther?”

This was one of those times when I was doing my best as I was flying by the seat of my pants. I so want to have an open minded, liberal son. I don’t want to brainwash him but the thought of him growing up to be closeminded and a Republican physically hurts.  And did I sell my brother down the river? I don’t know. Frankly, my brother has so many issues that his sexuality seems to be at the bottom of the list. I don’t think Loren will treat him differently next time we see him.  And knowing Loren, he likely forgot about the whole thing by the time he got on the chairlift.  Will I continue my Too-Much-Information chats with my kids? Oh, yes. I figure they can take what they want and ignore my rants and raves for what they are -sort of like picking out their favorite colored M&M’s from the candy bowl.



Hello?
February 22, 2006, 3:40 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Sometimes there is so much damn noise in my head that I don’t even know where to start. Make a list? Go for a walk? Pour a drink? Or maybe just sit and listen to the voices, maybe I’ll learn something.



Friday
February 19, 2006, 3:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

My Disgust-O-Meter has been completely maxed out this weekend. Yesterday began with Cassidy stepping out of the bathroom, proclaiming that she had just ,”peed out of her butt.” Recalling that Devon had spent the better part of the past two days filling as many diapers as possible, I made a mental note to not make her a lunch and to call her teacher about the absence. What started as an iffy day quickly turned to outright horror. It seemed that everytime I was cleaning Devon’s ever reddening arse, Cassidy was planting either her top end or back end on the pot and spewing bodily fuids everywhere but into the toilet. Good thing for baby wipes otherwise I would have simply walked. Mucous and barf. Can’t do either one of them. Bowels movements in any form deposited neatly in a diaper, that I can handle. Liquid chocolate dripping down the side of the comode, no can do. Cass does not suffer silently. The maternal side of me truly felt for the girl. Nothing would stay down, not soup, sherbert, ginger ale, water. But the part of me that is eternally fed up with drama, that side wanted to run screaming from the house. I must have looked at the clock every ten minutes for the entire duration of the day -just hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Depsite the invasion of stomach hell, yesterday was also meant to be a milestone of sorts in our wee home: it was to be Devon’s cinematical debut. We had decided to see Curious George after school. We invited Loren’s best friend and his mother, who is also Devon’s Godmother. As the time drew near I told Cass to buck up, not swallow a thing and put mind over freaking matter. Not every child would be able to do this, but Cass is no mere child. She is a trooper made of far better stuff than the average person. I had given her an out, an option to call off the movie for another day, but she would have nothing of it. So suck it up she did and off to the movie we went. Devon was IMPRESSED.2006_0217theatremovie0002.JPG We walked in to the movie just as it started and he leaned back, dropped his softie and yelled at the top of his lungs. Then he ran down the aisle, yelping and growling. He did this for the entirety of the movie, except when he removed his snowboots and went aisle to aisle offering them to the various movie guests. Overall I have to claim it as a success. Cassidy didn’t barf, Devon didn’t scream in fear, the movie was cute and the soundtrack, by none other than my favorite-Jack Johnson- was fabulous. Quite a turn around from the beginning of the day. Of course this morning started out with a bang when Cassidy went to the bathroom for a glass of water and promptly puked all over the place, but I got out the wipes, plopped her in the tub and went in search of coffee.