January 22, 2006, 9:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This morning I awoke to the usual mayhem of a weekend: Devon peeping over the bars of his crib crying, “Mai-mai! Mai-mai!” Loren frantically trying to get dressed for snowboarding, Cass sprawled in her bed and dead to the world, George the cat clawing at me for food, Mouse the dog hiding under the covers to avoid being tossed out into the snow on his boney ass and my one and only decent thought, “Coffee. Now. Please.” After caffiene and a round of cereal for everybody I realized it was Sunday and thought, “What the hell, we’re up. I don’t have to be on the ski mountain this weekend. By golly, we’ll go to Mass like good citizens.” Now, these days mass attendance for us means that we sneak in at about half time, somewhere after the sermon but before the hand holding Our Father prayer. I figure this works better with our schedule since church begins at the ungodly hour of 8:30, and it’s much more merciful for the other parishners if we keep toddler contact to a minimum. To subject them to an entire hour of my toddler would be far too cruel. So I dropped Loren off to hook up with his snowboarding friends and Cassidy, Devon and I traipsed up the hill to church. Sure enough we got there for the Our Father, had a taste of Communion Bread, got in a few thank you prayers and all was done. We headed out and down the stairs for snacks, coffee and a bit of chat with my parents and all the other happy Catholics.

Afterwards, as Cass and I walked to the car we began to add up our Jesus Points for the day. Cassidy helped my mother with the Catholic Coffee sales, netting $63, so she figured a point for every dollar: 63 J.P.’s. We lost a few points for our tardiness but more than made up for it by bringing our heathen toddler to the presence of God: 5 J.P.’s. We missed contributing to the charity basket, so we were docked 3 J.P.’s. On the other hand we gave up a fabulous, sunny, powder filled day on the slopes to go worship: 7 J.P.’s. And when all was said and done, we had a whopping 72 Jesus Points between us. Not bad.

All was well and we expected a shining day to lay ahead of us. So it was an especially stunning blow when I returned home to find my plate littered with shit cookies for the remainder of the day. First of all our Comcast was out. Not the cable. No, God wouldn’t take away the Broncos. No sir. My highspeed connection was gone and after wading through the 1-800 hell, the dispatcher fellow informed me I could not get a repairman until next Friday. January 27. To make ends meet I post inspiring tidbits about cancer and diabetes and if I have no connection, I can’t make any money. So I went to the kitchen to load up the breakfast dishes and start the dishwasher. That’s when I discovered my kitchen was flooding. Apparently the Christmas ferret, still unnamed, had chewed a hole in one of the tubes.

In an act of desperation, I called the mother of Cassidy’s friend and found her a place for the day, I dispersed Devon’s nap directions to Matt and hightailed it out of there as fast as humanly possible. I can take many things. But a wet kitchen and no internet connection is asking a bit too much. I have again founf refuge in my parents’ loft where I can peacefully post away about cancer and other joys. Maybe my Jesus points aren’t redeemable right now. Maybe my lack of true, inner faith cancelled out all my J.P.’s. Or maybe shit just sometimes happens, even if your basket is chock full of J.P.’s.


2 Comments so far
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Yes– or imagine what would have happened WITHOUT all those Jesus Points!

I do the same thing with lucky pennies (or lucky dimes or nickels or even quarters, if I am lucky enough to find them).

As you can see, I have not exactly started working yet… Sigh.

Comment by jen-o-rama

That puts a whole new spin on the Bowling For Jesus thing, it does. Fun stuff what you have here.


Comment by Anonymous

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