Caloden


Cut the Cord, Already
October 24, 2005, 9:29 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

“You keep that baby and it’s your one way ticket into poverty.” So said my father nearly 13 years ago upon discovering that I was unwed, ungraduated and pregnant.

“Are you going to marry him?”, he demanded.

“Um. No. Not right now. I don’t really know.”, I mumbled.

“Are you going to finish your degree?”

“Um. No. Not right now. I don’t feel well most days.”

“Have you seen a doctor yet?”

“Um. No. Not yet.”

“Well, my parents had this problem with your Aunt Mary (his older sister). They sent her off to a convent, she had the baby, came home and returned to school. We can send you out to California and you can stay with your Uncle Joe (his brother). You can have the baby out there, come back and get back to normal. What do you think about that?”

To this I said, “Um. I don’t know. It’s alot to think about.” But in my head I had an entirely different strain of thought, something like this,”Well, you arrogant prick, I’m scared as hell. You raised me to believe that this sort of situation is the biggest error of ALL the errors. I am pregnant, confused and I feel like shit. I need a hug and somebody to tell me that I am okay, that I am not a bad person, that I am loved.”

Before we could get up from the table my father asked my mother for her thoughts on the matter and she tossed in this, “Well, what I see here is a serious lack of conviction on her part.”

**********************************************************************************************************************

I no longer wear this scene on my shirt sleeve on a daily basis, though it definitely smarted for quite awhile. For a very long time I think I let this be a self-fulfilling sort of prophecy. Now I use it to fuel me along on the more difficult days. My parents are what they are and I try to love them that way. I don’t want to carry their baggage or judements anymore. I am trying to liberate myself of that one way journey; not to show my parents, but more to show the children what can truly be accomplished through hard work and following dreams and hope.

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2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

GAH!

Don’t get me started. This makes me so angry I am practically crying.

Good for you, H! Good for you!!!

Comment by jen-o-rama

WOW. That’s an extremely productive way to turn a negative into a positive. Good for YOU!

Comment by MIM




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