Silent Fantasies
September 11, 2005, 3:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Last night I had a serious Calgon moment. We had been at various soccer games throughout the day, two last minute birthday parties -which meant two last minute birthday presents. The one party invloved parental chit chat with all the Other Moms which always makes me feel like an outsider-wierdo-alien. All the questions about why have we changed Cassidy to a new school, how is that education working out, how is the baby, what are we doing to better the lives of our children on an hourly basis, etc. My standard answer to all of them seemed to be, ” Well, er, duh…” And although this was not an unusual Saturday for me, I did notice some curious additions to my usual array of neurosis and anxieties. Instead of just the usual panic/inability to catch a full breath, I also had this constricting pain in my chest.

Now I’m not an overly unhealthy gal, I don’t eat alot of heavy cream sauces, I don’t smoke, I exercise fairly regularly etc, so I was quite certain I wasn’t having a heart attack. I did have a drama moment when I envisioned showing up in the ER, being hooked up to machines and being given a lovely shot of numbing Demerol…but it was not to be. I sucked it up and nodded in agreement to whatever the Other Moms were yacking about. But by last night I just couldn’t bear to hear the word Mom and know that it applied to me. I didn’t want to be touched with sticky, peanut butter hands, I didn’t want to find the random sock, read a book or kiss any boo-boos. So I called my mother and asked if I could come spend the night.

Yes, it meant sucking it up in a different way and chit chatting with The Mother. But on the flip side it was a glass of wine, the remote all to myself, no requests to watch cartoons, no bitching from the crib to be nursed at 4 a.m., no sounds of crying, sibling scrapping. I did wake up and have chest pains after only ten minutes but at least it was after a solid six hours of sleep. I can go with that.


1 Comment so far
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Oh yeah, we definitely need to get you home employed.

Comment by jen-o-rama

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