Caloden

Most mornings I run about the house in a random frenzy trying to get the kids ready for school while ensuring that they have proper clothing, sufficient lunches, all their homework and that they have eaten something semi healthy for breakfast. This morning, being no exception to the grind, I was muttering a steady stream of commands and complaints as I attempted to herd the three of them into some sort of productive effort towards the front door. I must have said something somewhat bitchy because Loren stopped cold in his tracks and looked at me like I was more nuts than normal.

“Geeze, you’re put out with him just for that?”, he said.

“Huh, oh that. Yes. Well, your father left before he put that away and then I just tripped over it. It’s frustrating when…” Blah, blah, blah.

“Man, it’s almost impossible to please women,” Loren sighed.

Seizing this as a Teachable Moment, I explained to him that, YES! It is! That he should stay away from women until he is at least thirty, and even then to take it SLOOOOOOOOOWWW. This was all entirely selfish on my part. Having become a mother at twenty-two there is the outside possibility that I could become a grandmother way too soon. So when almost any opportunity comes along and I can preach birth control in ANY form to the kids, I grab that bad boy by the horns, hop on my soap box and preach for all it’s worth.