Caloden

This morning while changing Devon’s diaper I had an epiphany. Much to my exasperation, he was wiggling and flopping about as I was trying to affix his diaper tabs. It ocurred to me that I desperately needed to get away from him because he was driving me nuts and I wanted to scream. If only I could park him somewhere, I thought, put him on a shelf or safely perch him someplace for just a few minutes while I collected myself. And that’s when it hit me, if he had a velcro patch, say about 6″ by 6″, sewn into his back or front side then I could just stick him to the wall. And the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. The velcro would need to be fairly sturdy, we’re talking 25 to 30 pounds of squirming toddler to support. Then there would be several docking stations, consisting of the other velcro half, for the parents to install around the home. These would be affixed fairly low to the walls so that the child’s feet would not touch the floor, but not so high that it would frighten him or her.

I can see how there might be issues with scarring once the patches were removed, but with cosmetic surgery being what it is I think this could be easily remedied. And this is obviously not for every family. In fact some parents might outright object to the idea, but that is why it would be purely optional, sort of like circumcisions.

The more I think about, the more smitten I become with the concept. There is something in it for everyone: mom or dad get a break, the baby gets to view the room from a new perspective, the surgeons make a few bucks. I think it’s a winner.